Kendra

Aslin of Dreven is back.

I am not sure how to feel about this. I am happy she is alive and has returned, but I fear this will not only be an upsetting experience for her but quite a few other.

I let Kai handle Dolek, I just inform him of her return and go into hiding till the worst of this blows over.

On more upsetting news, a Klockwork Captain is running around in Dreven. Not only this he is sneaking around the Princesses, he also had the nerve to tell me I am hated in Dreven because I am part of the Usurper Council. Fine, if I were a Klock I would hate me. After all, I did take part in making sure their little Regime finally got knocked over. I behave, I even had a very civil conversation with him and ended having to defend him. He has a right to move around Dreven unhindered until he brakes a law. I will not sink to their level going around arresting and murdering people just because their belief or opinion is not the same as mine.

Who is more annoying him or Knowles?
If I have to witness one more of his little love spars I am going to hide in the cellar to have a drink.
I have never meet a man as moody as the Baron. This dark cloud always hangs over his head.

Adron is still not home. I try not to worry, but it gets harder with every Tenday that passes without a word.

Adron is off to Waterdeep once again, with luck he will not get himself killed.
Brom is gone with the Gillies, and I am holding things together back here in Dreven.
Trade has started to pick up over the summer, and so has the Company Business.

One should be thankful, this is turning out to be a good year for us.

Raf has not been the same since the end of the War with the Therm's. Too many things on his mind I guess.
I been trying to catch up with some more paperwork that has piled up on my desk.

I miss Ami. I miss her a lot, and she could write more. Honestly, she is worse than I.

Baron Knowles is back in Dreven. Baron- General, oh goodness that a title. That man is such an annoyance. Who does he think he is? March into Dreven and think we be impressed with his title?
Strange timing, just after we defended Shadokhan soil, on of Therm's so called finest chooses to come back to Dreven and make a claim on his old lands. Maybe somebody should remind him not so gentle we also just had a Revolution and half of Shadokhan is yet to be peaceful again.

I do wonder how Raf will take him. I have arranged for an appointment. This is as much as this Baron is going to get out of me.

Jakob is starting to worry me. Something is going on he is not telling me about. I know he spends most of his off duty time in Dreven, almost always near the River District.
I will see if Kilmek can get it out of him. I do not want him in trouble.

We are going to War.

Done, final. Brom has committed the troops. Adron and I will ride with the Stewards men. Brom will bring up his scouts from the Ashmakers flank.

I considered sending Geron back to Arboria. See him safe. Brom changed my mind, he is right. Geron is just as safe here at the Keep. If our lines shall falter and the Ashmakers advance towards Dreven, the men left at the Keep will take him, and the other children, and head towards the mountains.

Kai may stay back in Dreven. I am sure this may be one why he has been in such a sour mood. Why keep him back? Does Raf think truly everything will turn out so badly for us? I am sure the City Guard could handle an evacuation of Dreven if it needs to be done.

I wonder if I will even have time to breath in the next tendays? Things need to be done in a hurry. An Army does not march well on an empty stomach. I suspect a few merchant want to take advantage of this situation and raise prices on us. They will be in for a nasty surprise.

Adron and I had no time alone together. For sure we will not get a moment until this is all over.

Gaia help us all.

Oh dear Gaia!

I was starting to settle all my emotions and honestly just wished to enjoy the company of my dear friends.
Old friends, new friends, just the comfort of good and honest company and a few light hearted jokes.
Did this joke ever turn on me.

It was to be for fun, a few jokes between friends. What can one kiss do to you? Surprise you yes, but the second and third one turned my world upside down.

Adron kissed me.

The first was just to surprise me, and get under my skin. He likes to taunt and tease me.
The second was a joke to see how I taste.
The third was not.

How many years have we been friends? Long enough to almost forget the time then I first arrived in Dreven. How smitten I was with him so long ago. How long ago since I had Forgotten the pain of my first crush. Time to grow up alongside him and become fast friends.

We settled this in True Adron fashion.

Buckled up and went straight to Brom to inform him about this kiss before word started to spread.
Both of us agreed to take things very slow from now on. No need to rush. I still need time to heal, and I think he needs time to get used to seeing me as something besides his little oh so annoying Kendra.

Maybe not it was not a wise choice. I had to do it. My journal looks rather messy now, with the torn pages.
I had to rip them out and ride myself of all this sorrow, pain, deceit and foulness in my life.

How close did I walk the path to madness again? Should I grief more? The only time I allowed myself a good cry was at the side of Xiph. Words did not need to be spoken between the two of us. We are both caught between anger, pain and indescribable sorrow. His touch and words smoothed wounds. I hope I could calm his soul in return, at least for a few moment.

Keran and I made peace. There is no need to pursue this any further. I will not allow myself to be eaten up by anger and pride again.

Adron and Soledaad took down the assassin. They are revenged at last.

The Keep, he has his beloved Keep back. I signed the papers and gave it to him today.
Part of me wanted to rip this paper apart and yell at him.

I got demoted.
He says it is to easy my burden so I can concentrate on my business in Dreven more.

I have lost most of my men, men I trained and went through hell with during the Rebellion.
He says it is in my best interest that I do not have to worry about them. Besides I still have some left under my direct command.

He said I always have his friendship.
I know I would not loose that we had before we fell for each other.

He said he does not want me to break apart again.
I think it is to late, I am already broken in many little parts.

He said he will see me on the road.
I think he does not want to come down the same road anymore.

I still love him, I will always love him, but we just cannot be together. That chance has passed, and will never return.

Sometimes you find a rare pearl.

I did so last summer. She was sitting by the bridges near the market, selling fruits her family grew for a few coppers. A few words at first, soon we were spending more and more time just talking. Maybe it is because she sees the world different then the rest of us. She was born blind, but by all means does not think of an hindrance in her life. Rather the opposite. She listens more than the rest of us do.

Wise beyond her young years one could call her. Once again our conversation gave me some inside in my own heart. I am thankful I have her in my life.

Lin stopped by again on his way back to Arboria. It is refreshing to catch up with an old friend of my brother. The two of them had always been very close. I truly wish he could have stayed longer than a few days, but the seasons are turning and it is time for him to make his journey back home.

I made sure he took a few things with him for Keran. I miss my big brother, even if we hardly ever get along anymore. He is still sour of my decision to return to Dreven and for wanting to bring Geron with me. Why does he not understand he needs to come to get to know his father. Lin was not too happy hearing Brom and I have separated for good. What should I say? The rebellion came at a high cost. I lost my best man, and my lover. Brom is still my friend and partner, but I think it will take some time to heal for both of us.
He does have a cooler head than I, while he chooses to distract himself with the Company, I once again find myself distracted by something completely different.

At least Mordred is in a much better mood now.

I have my own office. I now have my own little place in Taysayad Keep. I cannot remember how often I have look at these walls and wondered that went on inside of them.

Now I know. For one a lot of stairs, a quite a few long and boring hallways. Kai's office is higher up than mine, he also has a larger window! I should not be jealous he is spending many more hours here than I.

I found a vase with fresh flowers on my desk this morning, I wonder who left them for me. It was a very pleasant surprise. It was not Mordred, he would have asked about them tonight.

I am still not sure about him, there is this strange attraction between us. One the ride home I asked him about his wife. He got down right defensive and told me there is nothing to say, they had separated and would go their own paths. For sure he does not want to indulge me in the details.

Reed 11th,
Somehow I finally came to the realization of my place in this world. I am nothing more than a pleasant distraction. Blame Bliss, she started this thought. She did ask if I have seen Mik, I had not ..not since the take over in the tavern, and after he had talked to Ami. So once again, I was a pleasant distraction from his former object of desire.
Men...maybe it is time to just give them all the cold shoulder.

A kiss, I did agree to a kiss, and he paid for it. The lessons will go to his companion, a dwarf. Jarl has taught me a lot about his kin, I will do well teaching him, mostly because I have grown a bit more respect for their kin. He just better keep his hands of my backside or I snap the bow string in his face and cut his beard off with it.
Mordred has not forgotten about the silly kiss. I told Brom about it and he was rather amused by the idea. So much for a Knight in shinning armor, at least Xiph took my side and was rather offend by the idea of me kissing a Necromancer. So was I, until tonight.
The Tavern was rather slow, a pleasant change. Here I thought I could get some writing done. Will needed a new roster on which troops will come in to help him and his Knights. I made sure Asa and Abby get the coins and food they need to feed the man and was about to relax at the fire until we got two Patrons. Av'rahm and Mordred. It was a quite pleasant conversation at first, Av' left soon after and I was alone with Mordred. Of course the subject of this Kiss came up more than a few times, and I have to say I did my part in teasing him about it. I have to admit Mordred and I can have deeper conversations once I set aside just who he is. I went to get another wine at the bar, he was next to me, Asa left for the kitchen and and .. somehow I ended up pinned against the bar and him very close to me. The talk of him considering to bind me and carry me off into the night still make my ears burn. Wanting to know what kind of noises I would make late at night send my head spinning. Even if your lips brushed against each others, I still owe him the one kiss. It ended as fast as it had began, he bit me a good night and I went to find sleep alone, and still here I am up way to late remembering and wondering.

Brom for the first time since his formal pardon returned to the tavern. He looked at ease, and I think he was pleased to see our men side by side with the Knights protecting the tavern. I am proud of all of them, they all pulled through this hard time and stayed loyal to the Company and us. It is good to see Brom with the rest of his men, now he can finally settle again and help the Company to get back to their old status. He took the news about the Keep very well. I did noticed how quickly he corrected from his keep to our Keep. Yes, I help to earn it back but I do not want it. I did it for him and Ami, and for the Company. We need the place to heal wounds and rebuild. I just want him to gain some happiness back in his life. While he was pleasant and warmer towards me, he still did not even place his hand on mine. I am staying at the cabin for now, besides it is closer to Dreven and I will be seeing a lot of Dolek in the near future. Where is an offer coming my way I cannot refuse!

Nisi and I had this fantastic wild idea of raising coins for the needy in Dreven, we wanted to make sure people are taken care of before the winter. Many donated very nice things and we also decided to give away talents people had.
Ami ended up owing me for a "favor" so I offered her up for an afternoon of light housework. Tieryan is very mad for me "selling" her to Dante, but Dante had this little extra. The bottle of wine, which will end up with Ami knowing Dante. He has a soft spot for his friends and pretty girls. Serves Ami right for trying to get out it of by letting Tier buy her. The two of them spend enough time together. I will never admit to her I was hoping Mik or Brom would show up to bit for me and the Archery lessons, of course I had to toss in a kiss and ended up being sold for a much higher price than Kai's stunning Gelding. Does this make a prime breeding Mare? Kai would say no, and Elven take to long to breed.
So who but Mordred outbids everybody else, I was hoping Dolek would win but I think maybe he was just trying to drive the price higher. He better smooth my hurt feelings with some cheese soon.

The dinner with Mordred was not an unpleasant affair, I will handle the lessons with ease. Why does an old Elf need lessons? I am sure by now he has forgotten about the silly offer of the kiss.

I am almost all healed up and thankfully this means Motherhen Ami will find something else to do soon, while I enjoy her company and am thankful she is here to help me out, it is time she find somebody else to cook for. Oh and I do have a few news to write down. Xiph is a sweetheart as always. His smile just lights up the room and I enjoy his flirtations. It is strange how he can be so oblivious to all what has just happened in Dreven, maybe this is for the better.
Adron, Brom and Karsh are of the Treason list. The keep is coming back to us soon, we finally have our home back. I think I take my time to tell Brom has been given to me, he may take it the wrong way. Ami is still with Tieryan, maybe I have to take him more serious. Maybe this will work out in the end. I do not think Brom will be so happy about him, but he will come around in the end.

Mik is well, Ami talked to him the other night. Something he said makes me wonder. He said I do not belong to anybody, but myself. It did sting a bit. Does this mean he is off to get his sheep and it is the end of the story? Must remind myself I am being a blabbering Idiot again. Talking about blabbering idiot maybe I should gag myself at times. So, I had to open my mouth and think I can win a stupid bet and promptly lost. Now I am to have Dinner with Lord Mordred. Which is not the worst part, I can deal with him for a few hours, but I have to dress for a fancy dinner! The Dress is not the worst part, it is the getting ready for it, the teasing of the hair, the perfume and not being able to ride on a horse the right way. Teaches me right!

I'm drained. I do not know how much blood I lost. I remember I did take at least one Tinbox down, the sound of Golembane tearing through metal and flesh is not something one can forget so quickly. Just how many men were lost on both sides it still not known, and how many others in the streets of Dreven. Yes, on the grand scale of war this was not a bloody event. Quick, surgical and not a huge loss of life.
I will never get the smell of the sewers out of my boots, I may as well burn them.
Kai forced me to see a Vivo before he let me go retire to my cabin. I cried my eyes out for hours. Maybe I am in the wrong trade. While in the heat of the battle I feel no regrets for cutting down my enemy, in the hours after I have to deal with the strong emotions and the sharp pain of guilt for ending a life.
I lost Janus in the fight for the Tavern, he took a deadly blow aimed for me. He gave his life so I would be sure to make it to Dreven and aid Kai and Dolek.
How come the Bards always talk about the glory of Battle, and the honorable death of Hero's. While his death was honorable, it will not make him come back to stand once again by my side in the early morning hours to drill the new recruits. He will never sit down for tea with me and listen to me rant and rave over the last little thing which got under my skin. He will never make sure I am tight under blankets while we are in the field, as if I did not know it was him every single time who made sure his Captain was taken care of. Never again will I hear him laugh at Kilmeks silly jokes.
Tomorrow I will make sure all his affairs are in order. He has a younger sister in Luminii, I will make sure she gets his things and the pay we owed him. I am not looking forward to writing the letter to her. If I could bring it to her myself I would feel better but it is impossible for me to leave Dreven at the moment.

Mik got hurt during the fight in the tavern, maybe Ami has news of how he fairs tomorrow. I'm sure she went to see Tieryan, he would be able to tell her. He has to be well or Bliss will scratch my eyes out. I wish they would have already left for the bloody sheep's.
I need to rest or I never heal up again. Oh this is a night I could use some company, even only for sitting here and watching me going to sleep, it may keep the nightmares at bay.

The ride out here was not as bad as I thought it could be. We did not came across one Klock patrol and Janus is good company. He is a smart man, he kept the conversation away from the Subject Brom, I am sure he did not fully believe my words this morning. I did tell him things were sorted out, so not a complete lie. As it stands everything dealing with Brom and I and the Company are worked out. Our personal life? I am not so sure. Yes, I feel for him as strong as I always have, but it is not hard to sense he is uneasy around me. This has been a very hard and lonely year for both of us. With him away from Dreven and me in hiding most of the time where was no time for us to even think about any romantic thoughts or touches. Blast, he may still be red hot mad at me.

It suites me well to have a chance to keep myself busy and not dwell on this. The meeting my brother Kai set up for us was successful and because of it the time is not running out for the Klock leadership in Dreven. With Will at our side, and Dolek and Kai oh so carefully setting the stage in Dreven nothing can stop this now.

I have to say I am very impressed by Will. To have a Knight of old standing by us is a true blessing. He is down to earth, serious about reaching his goal and liked by his men. I did senses a sense of humor, an added bonus. He will need this dealing with me in the next few weeks.

Beginning of Vine 1274

Fine, so this was one of the hardest letters I had to write.
Dear Brom...was not myself...hated myself..nothing personal..really I just went nuts on you. Just forget it ever happened.

Not really what I send, and not really what I really wish to send to him. I behave, for the sake of what is at stake at the moment. I cannot afford my feelings, my moods, my fears to take over and destroy the unity of the Rebels which took me so long to put together.

I'm not a silly little girl. Honestly, only on a bad day

My head is about to split in two! This morning I did not want to get up. I was woken by a bad nightmare; I dreamed Eliolas died in my arms.
Kai has not been here yesterday, was told something important happened and he is busy.
Is it so much to ask to send a simple note up to the cabin for Eliolas to find? I am really starting to worry about him, by now he should have come and see me.

The strange servant girl who likes to come visit me everyday gave me this medallion. I think I have seen it before but cannot remember why I think so.
Spend the rest of the day looking out of the window, hope Kai gets back soon so I can go outside.

(Ken's entries during her nervous breakdown)
Why is everybody so upset with me? All I asked for was ribbons, which would match the dress I had in mind for the wedding. Nobody knows where Eliolas is; I thought he was at the cabin fixing it up. Could he be with Brom on a mission?

Kai has a rather rude friend named Poll who claims to be a member of Kai’s family. I do not think so! Considering Kai has no daughter and Nisi would never look at that Thug, she has Rune anyway.

Headaches are getting worse by the hour. Kai has said I should not leave my room anymore. Wonder if I should tell him about my nightmares. Something about Mixed Mages, soldiers in strange looking uniforms and sitting on a mountain in the middle of the winter. The worst one was about Eliolas, I dreamed something had happened to him and he could not come to me.

I wonder where my little friend Mia is, she promised me cookies and tea.

I am starting to feel like I am drowning in responsibility. Thing are not going to well with my friend old guts and glory. He is hell bend on doing things his way and North is right behind him. Jarl is off to look for a mine in the mountains near Dreven. This would solve my problem of getting him the ore in time, which has proven to be difficult and rather costly.

Rumors have it some Silver Moon Knights are marching towards Shadokhan; I believe it when I see one. Just how many could be left? Did not most of them turn into Klocks or were beheaded? I wonder if Cravi is amongst them.

Just where is Brom hiding out? It would be nice if he would come here and take on some of the daily routines for me so I could get a normal night of sleep and maybe this headache would go away.

Ami is a handful, Tieryan is still not to be found, and now Rik and Mik are missing again. Angel has morning sickness and Bliss is missing her Fiancé. They are no fun to be around at the moment. Maybe I should not go out and drink tomorrow night.

I still have headaches. Maybe I need more sleep or I just need to get away for some time. One thing for sure, I do not suffer from boredom. Rather the opposite.
Adron is back in Dreven, head headed, stubborn, full of guts and glory like he always was. Interesting to me, he has not been with Brom at all. Here I thought the two of them went chasing Klocks in Luminii together. We could not really get into the conversation at the tavern. Ami is very happy to see her Uncle Adron again; he is a good distraction from the missing Tieryan. Let us put Tieryan on the needs to be hit over the head, dunked into hot water list, and not because he is, absent and not paying attention to Ami. NO, it is for that blasted puppy the two of them got for Bliss as a wedding present. The puppy, Ami, and I are now stuck with. Maybe I give the puppy to Adron. Ami would kill me. Now I hope Adron gets it into his thick head that he is still wanted. He was allowed to have a drink in the tavern because Dolek had been thoughtful and made sure many of his loyal soldiers get the tavern as a duty station. I think he did this to be able to check on me.

Adron is not the only one back in Dreven. Brom has returned as well and he returned with a rather dramatic entrance in the tavern. Nothing like running inside and tossing a standard right in the middle of the floor while trying to dress up like a ghost. North could have told me Brom was back, but no Stuck-up Ranger wannabe, had to keep this information to him. Once again, I am not too happy to be surprised like this. His grand entrance was trouble, and it makes me think if he really wants anything but me being his Captain from me. He is sure as hell not interested in anything else but the Company at the moment.

I spend this afternoon with Dolek to smooth things over with him. Of course, he had heard about Brom’s entrance and did have a few questions. That I thought might be an unpleasant interrogation turned out to be an enjoyable visit. How did he learn of my love for blue veined cheese?
Thankfully, Raf has learned to trust me and understood that Brom’s behavior was out of my hands. I have to make sure to explain it to Brom, Adron, and North that in the eyes of the law I am the responsible person for the actions of the Company. If the Company steps out of line, I will be arrested, if the Company runs of and starts killing Klock patrols again, I am the one hanging.

Raf and Kai can only protect me so much without letting anybody else into their little secret. Both have spent a lot of time tying to move their people behind the watchful eyes of that Dog woman Steelclaw. I am sure she would hang all three of us in a heartbeat if she gets wind of anything.

Brom wants me to be more pleasant to annoying Elf ranger. I will do my best, since he told me poor North had been through a lot. Really? Just remember my life has been a cakewalk Brom, nothing at all has happened in the last few years, nope all been just so enjoyable. That must be also the reason for my headaches and sleepless nights.

Now where did I leave the herbs Janus had gotten for me?

Now Bliss is talking about marriage. What is happening around me? Bliss!

Bliss who is the mistress of flirtations wants to settle down with Rik. Granted he is handsome, he gets this from his elven parent, and he is wonderful around her, but he has one flaw. Sheep, he wants to raise sheep. I guess sheep are a step up from goats, they really stink, Kalnish used to love them. Maybe I should be more open minded, maybe he just wants to own sheep for the wool and no sit on the mountain herding them for days.

Good news about this, if Bliss marries Rik, his brother Mik is bound to stay in the Dreven area and he has been a welcome distraction from everything else.
Ami does not like him; she glared at him because he dared to touch my hand. I guess I will not say anything about him and me swimming in the lake the other night, it is not that we had been alone. Rik and Bliss did join us.

Ami should not be talking; I do not care much for her newest friend the annoying Tieryan. That man is bound to be trouble! I wish she would find somebody a bit less adventures and with more to offer than a smile and warm lips. Now I have to worry about Ami running off with him because he may whisper sweet nothings and lies into her ear.
Send Note to Brom about it, but do not expect to hear anything back soon, since his precious North is back in Dreven.

Another thorn in my side, he thinks he is something because he is a Gillie and directly under Brom’s command. So he is good at hiding in the woods and eating weeds. I want to see him trying to balance the books, attract new contracts, and get along with Dolek. I bet Dolek would just toss him out of his office with the attitude North shows towards my allies. North dared to piss of Jarl, so yes, he is a dwarf, but he is my dwarf and a friend. Nobody insults my friends even if they are short, hairy, and half-drunk all the time.

I’m sensing another headache coming on, I had a lot of them lately, must have to much on my mind. I better turn in and get a few hours of sleep.

Angel and Havoc are finally wed. How she puts up with him is a mystery, but they do say love is blind. I have to say Kai went all out for this little family affair. Still sorry I could not stay late but I had pressing matters to attend to.

Janus and Kilmek left to take care of a few renegade thugs attacking Farmers near Vaile. Once again, the Rebel cause is being misused to line the pockets of a few. I want to thrash them. They do not understand this is not about gaining money but about gaining freedom from the current oppressive Regime.

Did manage to meet Xiph at the tavern before he wandered off again. We spend the evening and night in each other’s company; after all, we did have a lot of catching up to do. Nice to be with my own kin from time to time. I just wish he had had more news about Arboria. It still worries me that my homeland is closed off to all. Nice to have old friends who visit.

Mages.

This explains a lot, and it makes it more important not to give up the struggles the Rebels are facing. The Mages behind the Klockmaster are mixed Mages. Once again, Dreven was the center of madness.

Why did I return again? Am I drawn to madness, chaos, and destruction?
I think I will have a long bath and a large bottle of wine tonight and hide for the rest of the night. This brings back dark memories of another mixed Mage.

Can I not have some peace at last?